Jealousy..

I just realized that I truuuly hate it, HATE it..

And sorry, but I can´t imagine anytime it´s a positive thing.. it only destroyes =(

Yesterday I sat looking at some old conversations between me and MrX; mostly of them was wonderful but others really awful. There were not so many awful discussions, maybe 3, but they all made me think.. and I understood things that maybe weren´t very good for me.

The chats was simply about jealousy..

I´m never jealous.. because if I trust a person, I really trust him or her, and I trust them so much that as long as we know our relation with each other and are honest in our feelings (then we talk about guys), why worry unnecessarily?!

Often when I say my oppinion about this issue people ask me if I never get hurted with people who betrays me? And then I always anwer no.. Because the persons I trust, I truly trust, and the one I don´t trust aren´t one of my best friends.. and then I don´t care enough to bother what stuffs her or he´s in to.

Back to MrX and our conversation..
He, was really really jealous, and that was the thing that, I´ve understood it now, was the main reason til why we broke up.

He attacked me with different charges, which I wouldn´t even dare to do.. Like be unfaithful or something like that. Once he even accused me and got really angry for having huged my best boyfriend who I´ve known since I was tiny.. For what reason?

The worst thing with the whole situation was that I couldn´t let him go, I loved him.
So over and over I defend myself and I begged and cried and fought until he had changed his mind, and told me that he would give me another chance.. Maybe he had some unreliable girlfriends before and it was like he had to make sure I wasn´t like them over and over again..

But as I said my fightings were successful maybe 2 or 3 times.. He started to figure out how good I were and I thought I finally would get an end on these stuffs.

But I was wrong.
The last attack was the worst and it was connected to one of the previous problems; he accused me for have something more than a friendship with my childhood-friend. And I didn´t had the power to get throug all of this again.. Specially not when he had got all totally wrong and he wouldn´t listen to me when I tried to explain it for him.

And the thing was that every time I had to explain myself, it consumed my feelings. But the times before this one my feelings for this guy won over the consume of them.. but this time my feelings didn´t won the fight and I became tired of getting hurt; so I finished our relationship.

And now afterwards I try to think of the negative sides of MrX.. and he even asked me if I could tell him. But I couldn´t find more than one word:
JEALOUSY

And then I kept thinkiing, what if he hadn´t been that jealous.. Then he would be the perfect guy for me, and probably, we would still be together.

So please. stop beeing jealous, it doesn´t bring any happiness to the world.. only makes it more sad.

Behave as you want others to treat you, and don´t be afraid of trust.

/E